A hitch in my master plan

Well fuck beans. After extensive research, my perfect plan, in regards to my method of televised entertainment, appears to have a flaw.

The TiVo unit and all the satellite receivers require a hardwire phone line. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! That is some bullshit. I understand the reason they need it. It's required for receiving pay per views without calling DirecTV to get them to release it to your receiver. Well guess what? Correctamundo, I ain't gonna be using no damned pay per view, and if I was, I sure as shit wouldn't just say, "Hey I wish there was an easier way to get ppv without calling anyone." Especially since there will be 3 receivers, in this plan, that I will have no physical control over. I'll be damned if someone's going to order pay per views on my dime.

Ah well, I could have worse problems I guess.