I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that? -David Mills, Se7en

I do that every once in awhile. Well.....except for the whole masturbating in my own feces part. I only do that on special occasions or if someone specifically requests it

I went to the street fair with Carlos, Phil, Andy and Paul. We had a good time. Got to see where Andy works. You wouldn't even know that place was there. It was in the upper floor of a place I used to drive by everyday when I worked at the Paint Store. Pretty cool digs. Drafters get a shit ton of workspace. I dig that. I'd go supergeek if I had that much workspace.

Not much planned for tomorrow. I like it that way. I gotta go have my haircut tomorrow. I was too fucking lazy to get it done today.

Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president. - Will Hunting, Good Will Hunting

Damn I love that monologue.

I hung out with Phil, Andy, Rob, Karen and Zygote tonight. I almost killed Phil with a comment about Rob's baby batter having the ability to burrow like the Viet Cong. He's got roughly $2.5M worth of Starbucks frozen coffee flavored goodness in his lungs now.

I have a 4 day weekend ahead of me. Doing some nothing tomorrow, some nothing saturday. Hangin with the gang, playing some Warcraft LAN Style at RobnKaren's sunday, and bar-bee-queueing on monday.

"I'm buzzing off this bloody buddy." - Black guy in the Adam Sandler skit.....fuck if I know

Twas the CIO's birthday a few days ago, so we went out for some beers. I'm buzzing still.

It's unfuckingbelievable how much cooler "30 seconds to fame" ,some show where no talent ass clowns make fools of themselves for 30 seconds, on FOX of course, is after a beer or four.

I'm out like velcro shoes on the retarded.

"ROGER THAT YOU SUMBITCH PILE OF MONKEY NUTS!" - Dr Evil, Goldmember

Today was quite a busy day at work. Damn. It hurts to think.

Late.

Gail Stanwyck: Look at her would you look at her. She looks like a hooker. Could you love someone who looked like that?
Fletch: What are you talking about? Of course not! Five, ten minutes tops, maybe.


Yeah, so yesterday was cool. Got new tires on the car, got the car washed. Then Phil and I went to Frys and looked at the toy's we'd buy right now if we weren't disciplined enough to not use our credit cards. Then we went to a bar where our friend was working the door. They had about 30 Harley's out front and some classic cars. They were sweet. This one old guy was there and he had a 30's Ford Sedan with 289 and a Jag rear end. It was fuckin sweet.

After all that excitement, I just went home and chilled. Then this morning I get a page from work. I need to reboot a server that, until now, I was unaware was in production (for those not in "the biz", "production" means being used for critical business functions). And since I built the fucker, I like to know when I need to start supporting the functions that run on them. ESPECIALLY when I get paged at 8 in the fucking morning on a sunday when I planned on sleeping in. Anyhoo, I then called my manager, and asked when the fuck this server went into production. He said that its news to him as well and that they probably started using it friday. He then asked me if I made the script changes for monday. I said, "No because 'so-n-so' never told me which server to point the new script at." He told me which server that it probably was and asked me if I had to go in to do the changes. I promptly said, "Fuck no, I'm not a fucking retard like those assholes, I can do my job from home if need be." He cracked up at that sentiment.

That's how my sunday morning went. I finished all my shit by 9:30 and went back to sleep for another hour. I can't wait until tomorrow. I'm going to walk into that fucking asshat's office and ask him which server the new script needs to refer to and watch him piss and shit his pants as he remembers that he needed to send those changes to me on friday so the users log on to the right database. After the poor sap's soiled his office chair, I shall say, "Ah well, don't sweat it. I fixed that shit sunday morning when your OTHER PROJECT took a shit." This fucker will learn, oh yes, he will learn.

"The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you."- Captain Koons, Pulp Fiction

What a goddamned week. I'm looking to do a whole lot of not being at work this weekend. I'm getting new tires on the car tomorrow. I'm stoked about that. The car will pull the mothagrabbin G's again with great vengeance and furious anger. It's still no Corvette Zed Ought Six, but shit......my day will come.

"Saturday, Donny, is shabbas, the Jewish day of rest. That means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!" - Walter Sobchack, The Big Lebowski

Son of a bitch. That's about the long and short of how my day went. We were testing a domain migration and for some fucking reason a server that was powered off was now powered on and creating a shit ton of trouble for us. We find the offending server, turn the bitch off, and assess the damage.

We ended up having to roll back our migration and I had to reload my laptop. So I spent an extra hour reloading my machine and got home at about 8 o' the clock. THEN MY FUCKING PHONE GETS A PAGE What in the motherfuck?

I answered the page and shit was fine. Some newbie op was panicking about dick. So here I sit, watching the Big Lebowski, chillin', thinkin' about getting me some Slurpee goodness.

The Dude abides.

Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
The Dude: Walter, ya know, its Smokey, so his foot slipped over the line a little, big deal.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, the winner of this gets to progress into the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah but I wasn't over.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey you are about to enter a world of pain.
Smokey: Yeah but-
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, could you-
The Dude: Jesus Walter, you bring a fucking gun bowling?
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one who pays attention to the rules any more?
Smokey: Yeah but-
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think i'm fucking around? I'm not fucking around!
[points gun in Smokey's face]
Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero! Fucking mark it zero.
The Dude: They're calling the cops, man.
Smokey: Alright, its fucking zero. Are you happy now you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...Its a league game Smokey...

Phil and I scored The Big Lebowski on DVD lastnight. That movie is great on so many levels.

Work was uneventful. I just about kicked the ass of everything I did. 'Twas a good day.

My new goal in life is to react to everything as Walter Sobchak would.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, DONNY!

Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packin' right here, alright. We got 411 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper Edelbrock intakes, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin' muscle. -Wooderson, Dazed and Confused


Here's some advice: When I walk into work, don't fucking bark orders at me. ESPECIALLY if you are not my manager OR not even in my goddamned department. Long story short, this happened this morning, about an hour before I flip the "I now care" switch.

The rest of the day went fairly well. Some hiccups with the DNS servers and what-not. Fairly typical around these parts.

After work I called the mofo's and we decided to chill and watch movies at RobnKaren's. Lord of the Mahfakken Rings D.

Alan Stanwyck: If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand - and your mouth shut.
Fletch: Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep?
Alan Stanwyck: It's nothing of a sexual nature, I assure you.
Fletch: Yeah, I assure you.
Alan Stanwyck: One thousand just to listen. I don't see how you can pass that up, Mister...?
Fletch: Nugent. Ted Nugent.


I feel like Batman today. I woke up with a stiff neck and can't really turn my head to see. So while driving I have to lift my shoulders from their resting postion against the seatback in order to view anything I can't see out the mirrors, Like Batman giving a thumbs up from the Batwing.

Other than that, it's been a productive day. We've been planning a rollout strategy for a Windows 2000 domain at work. It turns out we're going to have to migrate sooner than we thought. It's going to be cool though. Our changes will be almost transparent to the users, even if performance improves.

I tried to play Warcraft 3 on Battle.net yesterday and ended up just getting pissed. The jackass on the other end didn't want to actually play. It seems he just wanted to construct an elaborate base and wait for me to come down and attack. Nope, I don't play that way. It's fucking boring that way. Its cool that none of my friends play that way, otherwise I would have to place one of my size 11 Vans right in their wedding tackle.

Stanton Boyd: What kind of a name is Poon?
Fletch: Comanche Indian.

The Jihad went swimmingly. Lots of good battles. Some of which went over 2 hours. It was a shit ton of fun though. Good to see the Buddy dog was doing better. Thanks to RobnKaren for hosting another great bash. They seem to get better n better every time we have one.

Goals for the next bash: an even number of machines, Preferably 6-8 machines, if we can shoehorn them in. I have some ideas on that. It involves 2 tables, a jar of Crisco, and a Maxim Magazine. Wait...that's another plan.

"I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT want to fuck with me. Check it out! Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, base plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks........."-Hudson, Aliens 1986

I started doing the "distributed computing" thing again. This time instead of running Seti@Home on 50+ Server-Class machines (we processed 26000+ units), I'm just running Folding@Home on my machine at home and a machine at work. Folding@home is a Stanford project that studies "protien folding" and aggregation to understand how diseases like Alzheimer's and Parkinson'S occur.

The main reason I got into it was there was this dude on ClubSi flapping his gums on how he's running it on his Dual 1Ghz G4 and he wanted to see if any PC's could match up. Now I, actually knowing that my PC's couldn't possibly hang with a pair of G4's, decided to call him out on the smoke he's blowing. The guy's a moron and really shouldn't argue about anything technical, much less try to argue with me about it. You see, its not that I'm all that smart. It's just that he's all that dumb. He believes 100% of what he reads, even if it's info produced just to sell shit.

Anyhoo, the proverbial icing on this cake is the fact that he posted a question asking how he could get both proc's on his Mac to run at 100%, because presently he has one proc running 50%. I chimed in saying, "Well, I dunno about the Mac version, but in the PC console (CLI) version, it asks you if you would like to alter the advanced settings before kicking off the process. I set mine at 95% and made it a low priority process so I can still use the machine while it is running. OR you can edit the config file that comes with the client."

To which he responds, "I tried all the steps you mentioned, it still doesn't work."

What a dumb bitch. I am the winner.

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure and you might remember me from such driver's education films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass"......" -The Simpsons

Goddamn, I love the Simpsons. What would life be like without them? It would suck. I got the new Winamp today. It is pretty sweet. Freeform skins and a ton of USABLE features.

Work was uneventful, other than the fact that a co-worker of mine was canned for "impropriety". I think he was reading Chris' journal entries out loud or something.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I have friday off, so I'm stoked.

I'm out like the fat kid in dodgeball.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. -Unknown (well...to me anyways)


Project Management. You don't think about it too much when you are used to working for good Managers. But when you work on projects that fail, not because of your hard work or lack thereof, but because the "Project Lead" or "Project Manager" is poor at coordinating resources and manpower, it's a different story. Doing what I do, I get involved in many projects doing a lot of different stuff. I really enjoy it, too. But sometimes the fool that is heading up the project fucks up royally and brings the project to a grinding halt because the "lead" doesn't know enough about what's going on, the procedures involved, the resources needed to implement or the common sense to let the people, who know what the fuck they're doing, in on the big picture to get their input. These are the kinds of people who should never manage other people or head up large projects. They let their ego and inability get in the way of the big picture, the ultimate goal..........and they piss me off.


Enough of my rantings. You all either know, or will know what I mean. If you don't, you're probably either one of those people who shouldn't manage/lead, have had the good fortune of working for some great people, or you pee sitting down like my friend Chris.


Wokka wokka wokka!

Behold the pale horse. The man who sat on him was death, and Hell followed with him. -Johnny Ringo, Tombstone

Kicked some ass at work today. Forgot to write the names down though. I'll do that tomorrow after I kick some more ass.

Going to hang out at Rob and Karen's Magical Kingdom, where the Boots and Tigers roam freely and the Buddy sniffs the crotch of the unsuspecting. It should be fun. It always is, cause we're like vinegar and baking soda. Only when we mix, the result is pure comedy instead of carbon dioxide. Although, from the laughing, I guess carbon dioxide could also be a byproduct. How geek is that? I have a feeling if I stay here at work for a minute longer, I will morph into a vagina and resemble my friend Chris.

Late.

"Where can we get hold of a Vincent Black Shadow?"

"Whats that?"

"A fantastic bike," I said. "The new model is something like two thousand cubic inches, developing two hundred brake-horsepower at four thousand revolutions per minute on a magnesium frame with two styrofoam seats and a total curb weight of exactly two hundred pounds."

"That sounds about right for this gig," he said.

"It is," I assured him. "The fucker's not much for turning, but it's pure hell on the straightaway. It'll outrun the F-111 until takeoff."

"Takeoff?" he said. "Can we handle that much torque?" - Hunter S. Thompson

Had a good time today with, as Rob would say, "The Gang". We all took out 3rd mortgages, personal loans, "slang ass on the street for money" , went to Starbucks and had a $9 Coffee drink and shot the breeze until it died. Then I came home and sat around for awhile and decided to play some WarCraft3. That game is more fun than a clown on fire. It's way more fun to talk shit to your opponent when they're sitting across the room, though. This will happen next weekend. I think more comedy comes out of the spoils of battle than Phil and I on a roll laying into anyone in sight, including ourselves.

Tomorrow is work. Work Work Work. We'll see how this week goes. It shouldn't be that eventful, but then again.......monkeys might fly out of my ass or Chris might retreive his balls from their captor. I give either a 50/50 chance of occuring.

I always drive properly. A bit fast perhaps, but always with consummate skill and a natural feel for
the road that even cops recognize. No cop was ever born who isn't a sucker for a finely-executed
hi-speed Controlled Drift all the way around one of those clover-leaf freeway interchanges.
-Hunter S. Thompson

Fuckin' A man. My car needs new tires like a mahfahker. Time to start researching that perfect tire.
I have a pretty good idea which tire I want to get. Now I just gotta work my local tire store to see if
I can get the price that I want. Then I can go back to pulling G's around corners like I usually do.

I need to play Warcraft 3 more. The "So Cal Semi-Monthly Indoor WC3 Jihad Showdown Fiesta" is a
week from today and I don't want to take the cock. We'll leave that to Chris. Oh wait.........he wasn't
there to even take the cock last time. That bitch. I think the best part of the next LAN Bash will
be the fact that I will discover the greatness that is the Mountain Dew Blue Slurpy earlier than midnight
and rain down great vengeance and furious anger upon my opponents, leaving a dollop of man-made Elmer's on
their foreheads as a mark of defeat, a sign that they just took the cock. Or I'll just get my ass kicked
as usual.

Blog blog blog

You bitches wanted me to make a damn blog. You called down the thunder, and now you've got it.

Had a looooong ass week at work. I lost count of the hours I worked after hour 50 clicked over. It's all good though, I got an ass ton of work done and a lot to show for it.

Anyhoo, Chris is a pussy. Dogs and bees can smell fear and the average human head weighs 8lbs.

Blow me.